Monday, December 23, 2013

Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang III

~Langkah Pertama: Dari Dahulu Beginilah Cinta

Situating Happiness
Weak were the hearts of humans as Qais and Romeo... Why?

Anis Matta wrote in her Love serial,
"Kita mencintai seseorang lalu kita menggantungkan kebahagiaan kita pada sebuah kehidupan bersamanya. Maka ketika ia menolak atau tak beroleh kesempatan untuk hidup bersama kita, itu menjadi sumber kesengsaraan."
In a nutshell, Love brings sorrow because the happiness that we place in it is interpreted as 'togetherness'.

Mencintai tak harus memiliki..
An interesting phrase in this book that I found most valuable to share is the fact that he argues the whole intention of people to love.
Says he, "If loving someone was enough to give that happiness, then people such as Qais and Romeo wouldn't have to worry, even if their love was not returned or acknowledged!"
And so, the question arises, does that version of love shows SINCERITY?
Earth to human...Yah, we all do want something in this life. We do hope for a return at some point of our investment, and when we love, we would all want to be loved as well. But, is the idea of love that brings 'togetherness' worth balancing?

A Triangular Theory of Love

The three main components in Love given by Sternberg are:
an emotional element that is signified by the desire to be around the one you love, and to build a relationship with them, 
a motivational element that is driven by the sexual attribute of oneself, and
a cognitive element that implies within one's decision to constantly be together in a long period.

And these elements combined to form different concepts of Love.
Consummate Lovea perfect combination of the three.
Non-Lovean outlier from these elements.
Likingintimacy without passion and commitment.
Infatuationpassion without intimacy nor commitment; "Love at first sight".
Empty Lovecommitment with the absence of passion and intimacy.
Romantic Lovea unity of intimacy and passion, but without commitment.Beautiful, sweet, yet so temporary.
Companionate Loveeliminating passion and adhering commitment and intimacy. A sweet friendship.
Fatuous Lovea type of love blinded by commitment and passion but disregards intimacy.

As catchy as this 'so-called Theory of Love' looks, it could not be adapted to a version of Love other than the love between opposite genders,say, a mother's love for her child. 
Must an ideal love be established by PASSION, followed by INTIMACY, and then, COMMITMENT?

The Key to the Theory of Love
"Scientists are discovering that the cocktail of brain chemicals that sparks romance are different than what fosters long term attachments.",
says psychologist, Lauren Slater. Meaning, PASSION and INTIMACY in Romantic Love, has no connection with building up commitment to stay in longevity with a person.

So, that's where it starts! EMPTY LOVE... Building up commitment.

"Jalan cinta para pejuang adalah jalan kesetiaan dan pengorbanan. Komitmen adalah ikrar kerelaan berkorban; memberi bukan meminta, berinisiatif tanpa menunggu, memahami dan bukan menuntut. Komitmen adalah ikatan kesetiaan"
"Hai orang-orang yang beriman, barang siapa di antara kalian yang melepas ikatan kesetiaan dari agamanya, maka kelak Allah akan mendatangkan suatu kaum yang Dia cintai dan mereka pun mencintaiNya.."
Al- Maaidah (5:54)

"Di Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang, komitmenlah yang akan menjadi tapak langkah pertama cinta kita..."


Sunday, December 15, 2013

Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang II

~Langkah Pertama: Dari Dahulu Beginilah Cinta

Amor Vincit Omnia
"Wahai kematian datanglah cepat kemari! Hisap dan dekap tubuhku yang penuh cinta ini kerana tidak ada sesuatu di hadapan matahari yang mampu memulihkan kesedihanku.."
William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet


Cinta adalah gulana ketika menyedari dua keluarga mereka(Romeo dan Juliet) masih bertelingkah. Cinta adalah duka yang mengiris pedih di saat-saat berpisah. Rindu mereka menguruskan tubuh dan menguraskan air mata....

"Love conquers all". Or does it?
The phrase would go attune or become harmonised with those who immerse deeply into love. That's because Love becomes the master, and the sky is the limit. Although is not the mountains nor the seas that is conquered, it is rather the vulnerable soul of the person. When Love grabs hold of one's soul, the whole body feels as if it dances to the melancholic melody. Strange as it seems, the vivid view of the flawless world of romance, remains an illusion to the beholder. "Dari dulu, beginilah cinta, deritanya tiada akhir..."

This mental illness, where does it come from?
Ustadz Muhammad Fauzil 'Azim asserts in "Disebabkan oleh Cinta",
 "Tidak ada sebenarnya orang yang gila kerana putus cinta. Yang ada adalah orang dengan keadaan jiwa yang rapuh, jiwa yang retak-retak, lalu sebuah peristiwa menyentak, menjadikannya berkeping-keping."

For Qais and Romeo, these were the description of their devastating souls, the souls that were kept servitude to venomous Love.

A soul, enslaved by Love of that kind,  precedes love as the basis of all their actions. After a while, Love becomes Ilah. It is as though the Sun was created for Love, and the moon shone because of Love.

We do have a choice!
"Maka Allah mengilhamkan kepada jiwa itu jalan durhaka dan jalan ketakwaanNya"
Asy Syams (91:8)

The gift of choosing is verily the most basic desideratum (bekalan) while holding the obligatory title of a khalifah, and Allah has given us that authority to do so. This is no exception to Love, for there is always room for assertion (tanggapan) and stimulation (rangsangan). Indeed, we all have wants and desires. But, Allah would only bestow His adoration (pujian) to those who choose to have faith in their hearts and prevent themselves from unnecessary desires.

"Dan adapun orang-orang yang takut kepada kebesaran Rabbnya dan mencegah diri dari kuasa nafsunya, maka syurga lah tempat tinggalnya."
An-Naazi'aat (79:40-41)

And so this ayat clearly shows that those who take charge of their Hawa' (instead of their desires as their authority), would be rewarded by Allah. 

What would desire (nafs) have anything to do with Love??
Amazingly related. 
زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنْطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ذَلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَاللَّهُ عِنْدَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ
"Beautified for people is the love of which they desire - of women and sons, heaped up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return" 
Ali-Imraan (3:14)

In Love, there are impulses to achieve happiness, tranquility and to feel great. 

Can we really control our emotions??
"Love is a sweet torment..", said Maria in her novel, Ayat-ayat Cinta, "when immersed in a state of Love, there are moments to feel despair, agony, apathy and pain". Good, or bad, these are what we call EMOTIONS. In a Quranic perspective, we have all means to control our desires, but can we really do it?

An amazing discovery by Ekman and Friesen has proven to us that we are a master of our emotions and desires. In detail, their finding was based on the question, "Can we feel what we have expressed in our faces?". They had hundreds of students to do one particular expression that signifies an emotion, while their heart rates were measured. Astonishingly, those who had to come up with a sad expression had a very slow pulse rate, indicating that their whole body were adapted to what they had expressed. Fast pulse rates were found in those who expressed happiness in their faces. 
There you have it. We CAN control our emotions!

"Di Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang, perjuangan pertama adalah sebuah pergelutan jiwa. Pergelutan jiwa untuk menaklukkan cinta itu sendiri..."

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang I

~Langkah Pertama: Dari Dahulu Beginilah Cinta

 Romeo Majnun
".....Demi Allah, cintaku pada Layla tulus, jiwaku selalu merindu, pikiranku selalu mengenang, dan lidahku tak pernah kelu menyebut namanya. Layla laksana minuman yang menyegarkan dan menghilangkan dahaga di kalbuku. Cintaku pada Layla adalah cinta suci, tidak tercampur dengan nafsu walau sebutir debu. Meskipun orang orang mencela kami, mengusir dan menyia-nyiakan diriku." 


Like it or not, the world speaks about love and romance for centuries, from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, to Aucassin et Nicolette's Triston und Isolde, to Shaykh Nizami's Layla Majnun...

So, why do such stories last for ages?
Perhaps, it is fair to say that humans look for such 'happy ending' told by these tales. At least, that's what we think they do..

Sure, Romeo never had the chance to be with Juliet, and Qais was shun by Layla's family, but, the poets didn't make it look that way. Romeo and Juliet was thought to be united by death, Qais and Layla were found in a man's dream one night, "berganding mesra di atas singgahsana; permaidani syurga, terhampar dekat sungai kecil yang mengalir di bawah singgahsana itu.." 

Hmm.. So what's so bad about so-called "happy endings"?
In a study of axiology, there are three values that are thought to universal. They are Logic (truth), Ethics and Aesthetics. Aesthetics can never be the pillars that upholds itself, simply if Logic or truth is not bounded by it. That is why Logic is said to be the main value of the three.

There's got to be so many lies, or more conveniently, twisted truths that adhere behind the so-called true and 'pure' love the two couples portray. "Putus asa kerana lamaran ditolak, kekasih menikahi lelaki lain, tetap berhubungan dengan kekasih lama di belakang suami, bersedih atas kehilangan kekasih daripada kematian ibu bapa, and the list goes on.. It is false treats of these that makes love so despairing, unrealistic and full of insanity, because the love that they had defied the utmost supremacy of love towards Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim.

A study on Love, The Chemical Reaction by Lauren Slater signifies that, "It is impossible to detach love from mental illness". Woah.
There you have it. I rest my case.

"Cinta bagai ilham dari langit yang menerobos dada dan bersemayam dalam jiwa, Dan kini kami akan mati kerana asmara yang telah melilit seluruh nurani, katakanlah padaku, pemuda mana yang bebas dari penyakit cinta?"
Dear Qais, 

 "Ada berjuta pemuda yang akan menjawabmu dengan kepala tegak. "Inilah kami, yang bebas dari penyakit cinta. Kerana kamilah majikannya. Kami bukan budak cinta!" Ada jalan cinta yang lebih layak diikuti. Kalau engkau bertanya wahai Qais, di manakah pemuda-pemuda itu? Maka aku akan menjawab, "Mereka sedang menyimak halaman-halaman buku ini, kerana mereka sedang meniti JALAN CINTA PARA PEJUANG!"."

To be continued..

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