Monday, December 23, 2013

Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang III

~Langkah Pertama: Dari Dahulu Beginilah Cinta

Situating Happiness
Weak were the hearts of humans as Qais and Romeo... Why?

Anis Matta wrote in her Love serial,
"Kita mencintai seseorang lalu kita menggantungkan kebahagiaan kita pada sebuah kehidupan bersamanya. Maka ketika ia menolak atau tak beroleh kesempatan untuk hidup bersama kita, itu menjadi sumber kesengsaraan."
In a nutshell, Love brings sorrow because the happiness that we place in it is interpreted as 'togetherness'.

Mencintai tak harus memiliki..
An interesting phrase in this book that I found most valuable to share is the fact that he argues the whole intention of people to love.
Says he, "If loving someone was enough to give that happiness, then people such as Qais and Romeo wouldn't have to worry, even if their love was not returned or acknowledged!"
And so, the question arises, does that version of love shows SINCERITY?
Earth to human...Yah, we all do want something in this life. We do hope for a return at some point of our investment, and when we love, we would all want to be loved as well. But, is the idea of love that brings 'togetherness' worth balancing?

A Triangular Theory of Love

The three main components in Love given by Sternberg are:
an emotional element that is signified by the desire to be around the one you love, and to build a relationship with them, 
a motivational element that is driven by the sexual attribute of oneself, and
a cognitive element that implies within one's decision to constantly be together in a long period.

And these elements combined to form different concepts of Love.
Consummate Lovea perfect combination of the three.
Non-Lovean outlier from these elements.
Likingintimacy without passion and commitment.
Infatuationpassion without intimacy nor commitment; "Love at first sight".
Empty Lovecommitment with the absence of passion and intimacy.
Romantic Lovea unity of intimacy and passion, but without commitment.Beautiful, sweet, yet so temporary.
Companionate Loveeliminating passion and adhering commitment and intimacy. A sweet friendship.
Fatuous Lovea type of love blinded by commitment and passion but disregards intimacy.

As catchy as this 'so-called Theory of Love' looks, it could not be adapted to a version of Love other than the love between opposite genders,say, a mother's love for her child. 
Must an ideal love be established by PASSION, followed by INTIMACY, and then, COMMITMENT?

The Key to the Theory of Love
"Scientists are discovering that the cocktail of brain chemicals that sparks romance are different than what fosters long term attachments.",
says psychologist, Lauren Slater. Meaning, PASSION and INTIMACY in Romantic Love, has no connection with building up commitment to stay in longevity with a person.

So, that's where it starts! EMPTY LOVE... Building up commitment.

"Jalan cinta para pejuang adalah jalan kesetiaan dan pengorbanan. Komitmen adalah ikrar kerelaan berkorban; memberi bukan meminta, berinisiatif tanpa menunggu, memahami dan bukan menuntut. Komitmen adalah ikatan kesetiaan"
"Hai orang-orang yang beriman, barang siapa di antara kalian yang melepas ikatan kesetiaan dari agamanya, maka kelak Allah akan mendatangkan suatu kaum yang Dia cintai dan mereka pun mencintaiNya.."
Al- Maaidah (5:54)

"Di Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang, komitmenlah yang akan menjadi tapak langkah pertama cinta kita..."


No comments:

Gadgets By Spice Up Your Blog